Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
