When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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