As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
