is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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