What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
