Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
