remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
