I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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