yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I love you.
Bad choice
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
