just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
