dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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