8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
