If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Do vagina's smell?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
