Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
