All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
