nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
