He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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