I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
