got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
