Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm just crazy horny about you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
