I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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