What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
