youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need to calm my uterus...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
