Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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