I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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