Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
