Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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