Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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