And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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