ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
