wat bout pragnant strippers??
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
