would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
