life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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