I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
