I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
