Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
