I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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