soooo we both peed the bed last night...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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