Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
