How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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