dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
