he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
