"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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