Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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