There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The best revenge is premature balding
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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