i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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