Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
