I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
