My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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