He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
