I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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