1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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