when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
