flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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