you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
